The Holy Spirit is on the Move!

This is the photo on my calendar for June. A white horse represents the Holy Spirit, and in the picture, this beautiful white horse is on the move. Since I flipped the calendar page to June, the Lord has been whispering to me that the Holy Spirit is on the move! He is moving in my life and in the lives of my family, friends, my community! I praise Your Holy name Jesus! I thank you for answered prayers, and prayers You are actively answering right now in ways seen and unseen! I know You are moving in my life, in my heart and mind, and making me increasingly sensitive and in tune with Your Holy Spirit.
Holy Spirit, like a mighty rushing wind, move in the lives and all situations of my family and friends and growing community I have prayed for and on behalf of. I pray salvation, deliverance from depression, healing from cancer, healing from diseases of all kinds, favor in legal matters, sales of property, finding of beautiful new dwellings to call home, encounters and relationship building for those longing for a spouse according to your perfect will and Kingdom purposes. I pray each person I am praying for will feel a sense of peace and confidence as each casts all their cares on You. I pray each will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that You care for him/her and that You are for him/her. I pray this all in Your beautiful and Holy name Jesus! Amen!

Lover of my Soul

On the long and winding road of my journey to belief and faith in Christ, I dabbled in some new age practices. One in particular was finding my soulmate. This practice was to first make known to the universe my desire to find my soulmate, asking for a sign to identify “the one” who I was meant to be with from the beginning of time. I was to keep my eyes open as I went through my day, and my special totem would make itself known to me.

As I was walking on my break at work, a large white feather entangled in the branches of a bush caught my eye. I knew the moment I saw it, this was my totem. From that moment on, I told no one about my white feather. My soulmate, some point after meeting, would give me a white feather, or something with the image of a white feather, signaling my search was over, my long lost soulmate found.

Fast forward several years, I am a baby Christian, newly baptized, praying sincerely, telling God I did not want my baptism to be an initiation into an exclusive club. I asked God to teach me about who Jesus is, and who He was when he walked the earth. This prayer opened the floodgates, and I began a deep, satisfying relationship with Jesus. I became a true follower. Over this early walk, the Lord asked me to rid myself of all remnants of my wandering on the long and winding road. In obedience, I
destroyed jewelry, video tapes and books, anything not in accordance with God’s word and the path of life I was traveling.

As I attended church and became involved in serving, I developed close friendships with several single women. I had given up dating, allowing God to show me a love beyond my wildest dreams as He promised when I entered into a covenant with Him, promising to remain celibate until I was married again. One of my friends wanted to go to a singles conference at one of the mega churches in our city and I agreed to attend with her.

As I got ready for the two day conference, I found myself praying God reveal my soulmate over the coming days by having this very special man give me a white feather. There must have been a remnant of desire for a loving relationship with a man. During the conference, we worshiped, listened to the featured speakers, and attended breakout groups specific to areas of gifting or interest. It was a wonderful time of fellowship, and I enjoyed spending time with my friend.

On the final night of the conference a young pastor was speaking on purity and God’s will for singles and those seeking marriage. He said at the wrap of his message the Lord had been showing him that many women are wounded from past relationships, and we are like doves with clipped wings, no longer able to fly as God intended. He declared the Lord was saying it was time for healing. The pastor then began to pass around bags of white feathers, telling us each to take one as a symbol of the healing the Lord is doing in our lives.

My eyes filled with tears and my hand shook as I took a feather. I knew the Lord was telling me that He was my one true soulmate, the lover of my soul. In Him, I am complete, my search was over. Peace washed over me, knowing Jesus loves me so much, He answered my ill conceived prayer with His amazing love and grace.

This was over twenty years ago and I still have the feather in my bible, a wonderful reminder Jesus is the lover of my soul. I am complete in Him, the search is over, and I am found. ~♡

‘Tis the Season

This time of year can be very difficult for many people. As the Christmas season approaches and another year comes to an end, we think of family and all that has transpired over the past year. This can bring fond memories and gives us much to be thankful for, or it can bring a great deal of sadness and regret.

To share a little of my personal story, I am a middle aged single woman who has been divorced over 20 years. I never had children, and as I age and reflect on my life, I feel deep sadness for missing out on something I always wanted – motherhood. I spent this past weekend with my sister, her husband, her two children and their spouses, my two brothers and their significant others. I have not felt this way before, yet this year I walked away with a profound sense of loss and sadness. It wasn’t anything done by anyone in my family to cause these feelings, it’s just that I walked away with the realization I am not immediate family to anyone.

My brothers and my sister have families of their own, even if just a significant other. No matter what, I am not anyone’s first or most significant other.

The thing is, I know I am abundantly and extravagantly blessed. I have amazing friends, many who are also single and childless. Yet this year more than ever, I feel a void in my life. I long to feel loved, cherished, and significant in someone’s life. Maybe I feel this way because I allowed myself to hope and dream this year as I grew close to a very special friend and felt so very loved and cared for. When our connection and correspondence ended, I was left with a very distinct feelings of what I would like to experience again with a man. I sense the loss of his kindness and affection at a much deeper level than I ever expected, and I still struggle to understand.

I also lost a sweet dear friend. Jean was a developmentally disabled senior citizen who I visited on a regular basis over the past 17 years. My friendship and visits meant the world to her, and her sweet friendship made a difference in my life. She passed away four months ago. The loss of these two significant people has left me feeling lonely and sad as the year comes to an end.

I know God loves me and is watching over me. I know His plans for my life have not changed. I know what He has in store for the coming year is above and beyond all I could even dream to ask, yet right here today, I feel very lonely and insignificant.

Maybe God is using this to soften my heart to the many others who feel their loneliness intensify at the Christmas season. I am driven to pray and reach out to anyone who feels empty, alone, or filled with regret. Somehow praying for others always helps shift my mood and perspective, and I am grateful God has given me a heart for intercessory prayer.

As this holiday season is in full swing and the year is coming to a close, my wish and prayer for you is to feel the incredible and extravagant love God has for you, you feel His loving arms wrapping around you, and you know your life matters and you are significant. Be blessed!~♡

God Only Knows

Great song and great reminder we don’t have to suffer alone in silence… Share your burdens and cast your cares on Jesus because He cares for you! (1 Peter 5:7)

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I Shall Not Want

As I have journeyed this year, through all God is teaching me, the 23rd Psalm has played a central role.  Over twenty years ago as a new Christian, I fell in love this Psalm and committed it to memory.  I would, and still do, carefully recite it in my head, or aloud, and wonder at all God is telling us through this Psalm.  

About two months ago as I was praying to Papa God, I heard myself say the words “more than anything else, I want…”.  “I want” stuck out to me, and as I continued to pray, I felt the Holy Spirit continue to draw my attention to how much I use this as I cry out to God in prayer.  Immediately I began to recite the 23rd Psalm, The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want…(I shall not want, I shall not want).  He makes me to lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside the still waters, He restores my soul.  He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.  Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.  Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. 

As I commit myself and the rest of my life to Christ, what can I possibly want?  What has God not already provided for me as I walk through each day.  He makes me to lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside the still waters, He restores my soul.  He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.  I have more than enough to sustain me through each day and each challenge I face.  He assures me, as I walk intimately close to Him, following where He leads, speaking the words He gives, staying still and silent, He guides and directs me.  I am walking in the path of righteousness for His name’s sake. He has prepared this path for me. 

I notice when I declare what I want, it is often when I have rushed ahead of Him, rushed ahead of the Shepherd, away from the flock.  I am out in the wilderness in places my Shepherd has not intended me to travel. 

My wants are often for the love of my own comfort, the fear of having nothing, or toward a life of worldly passions.  I know my Lord and Savior, my God, knows my heart better than I know my own heart.  He knows what I need as well as what I want, yet above all, He loves me and guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.  I have tasted the goodness of God and all He has prepared for me. What more could I possibly want? 

The first time I heard the song “I Shall Not Want”  by Audrey Assad, I wept as I listened to the words “Deliver me O God, from the need to be understood, from the need to be accepted, from the fear of being lonely, deliver me O God.”   I wept because these are the things I long for most… I want most, more than anything else.  I wonder if God is asking me to look the wants I declare as things driving me to run ahead of His leading.  Are these wants driving me off the path of righteousness, the path He has prepared beforehand that I should walk?

I know Papa God knows my heart.  He sees my desire to be understood, accepted, and not alone as I walk through this life.  These are very human emotions and fears, yet He is asking me to trust Him and seek first to be filled by Him.  He is reminding me to be driven first toward Him, and if these things are driving me to run out ahead of His plan for my life, my desires are out of balance. 

All I can do with this revelation is to turn to Jesus, my Lord and Saviour, and lay it all down at His feet.   I give to Him all my wants and desires as a sacrifice.  I tell Him I love and desire Him above all else and I trust Him because He knows me, understands and accepts me, and has promised He will never leave nor forsake me. ~♡

“I Shall Not Want”

From the love of my own comfort
From the fear of having nothing
From a life of worldly passions
Deliver me O God

From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

From the fear of serving others
From the fear of death or trial
From the fear of humility
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

No, I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

Written by: Audrey Assad, Bryan Brown

Lyrics © MUSIC SERVICES, INC.

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind

• 

Closure…

Have you ever had a conversation with someone not knowing it was the last time you would speak?  I’m not talking about a situation in which a death occurs, which is truly tragic and can cause pain and regret for years.  But a circumstance which makes it impossible to right a wrong, say those things which continue to haunt you causing a deep ache in your heart and a longing for a sense of closure.

For a month now I have been ruminating about that last phone conversation.  When the call finally came, I wasn’t ready for it emotionally.  I had given up believing it would ever come.  It’s timing was inconvenient, but I took the call because I had been waiting nearly a week to hear from you… talk over the phone and connect voice to voice.  I know you were dealing with life changing circumstances and were over tired and overwhelmed.  I was patient in my waiting, but the delay was revealing the truth ~ there was no longer space for me in your life.

When I picked up the call and heard your voice, my heart broke.  You told me what I already knew and was processing alone for days.  You were kind, made amends, even purposing a plan of continued contact to ease out of our friendship.  Given recent events in your life, continuing to stay in contact didn’t seem right or healthy.  I wanted to discuss this, but my time was pressed.  I was frustrated and impatient.  I regret this now… At one point you asked “So is this it then?!”  I said “No, you can call me in a week as you suggest. We can talk more then.”  I said a rushed goodbye, and when I hung up the phone, I felt as though I had a huge hole in my chest.  I felt as I had during the prior seven days waiting for your call.

The following morning I sent you an email with the subject “Boundaries”.  In it I absolved you of all responsibility or obligation to contact me ever again.  I also said I was open to hearing from you, but had no expectations.  I needed to be sure you were choosing not to continue to reach out to me and I wasn’t telling you not to.  Even as I write this, I feel sad and know I am completely crazy for writing this post.  It’s pointless. No good can come from reconnecting…even just once more with the hope of finding closure.

Maybe just writing what I wish I said will be enough.

I’m sorry I pressed ahead when I should have withdrawn and given you space.  I fear I may have added greater burden to your situation instead of providing support and respite.

I am sorry for a lack of healthy boundaries and not being more sensitive and in-tune with your less direct and gentle push-back.  Please forgive me.

I wish I had one last opportunity to support and encourage you as we parted ways.  I wish I could have told you how much I respect you and honor your decision.  One last chance to tell you changed my life for the better and I will always love you for this.

As I think of you now, I pray for your well being, strength, encouragement, and a complete restoration and healing for your family.  I pray healing for every member of your family and household.  I pray for fresh perspectives and new eyes to see as God sees.  I pray for a home and family filled with love, even as you face challenges and walk through life as flawed imperfect people.  I pray your trust is in the Lord and His promises.

This is it… what I needed to say.  I can post this or delete it… posting has a very slim chance of you seeing and reading it.  Maybe that 1% – 2% chance will be what I need to set the foundation for the closure I so badly crave.  (I pray dear Jesus, make it so!)

Be well, be blessed mi amigo.

~ Eliza ~♡

Abundantly Blessed

I am abundantly blessed.  There are so many things I have taken for granted, yet as I feel led by the Lord to dive deeper into intercessory prayer, I am taking every opportunity to pray for my community.  I see those things I take as a given, are prayers and a longings in others’ lives.

I wake and effortlessly get out of bed to start my day.  I exercise, a simple daily walk, yet this is not possible for those who struggle with health issues.  I get ready to go into the office and work.  I have work, a job, a way to support my home, feed and clothe myself bless others as I am gainfully employed.

I get into my car and make the trek to work each day.  I have friends who have no vehicle and must rely on others, the public transit system, and their ability to walk where they need to go.  I pray for breakthrough and job opportunities, reliable transportation, the means to repair a broken down car.

I manage a team, helping people move forward with their educational and career goals.  All these responsibilities, but also opportunities to bless those I work with.  Opportunities to pray, and pour into their lives.  I am also blessed by their stories, the work they do to support our team, and company vision.  I am blessed to see their faces each day and work together solving problems, helping each other to be successful.  I am humbled and deeply moved when they share their burdens and allow me to pray with and for them.

When I return home, I have only to care for myself, my own needs.  I fill my time with works of service, entertainment, and relaxation.  I think of the prayers I pray for people going through major crisis who live with stress and anxiety, not knowing if they will be able to take care of themselves or their families.  Not knowing if they will have the resources to take care of the basics.  Wondering if their health coverage will be enough to address the issues they are facing.  Will they be able to be there for a sick family member, or sit at the bedside of a dying parent?  So many needs, and so many overlooked blessings all around us.

Prayer changes things.  Prayer moves mountains.  Prayer changes hearts.  Prayer is a powerful gift from God.  If you ever feel yourself in a state of stress, feeling overwhelmed by your circumstances, or lacking for anything, pray.  Pray for yourself, then look around and pray for your loved ones.  Pray for your community.  Prayer is having an amazing effect on my life.  It is changing me and waking me moment by moment to the truth of how abundantly blessed I am. ~♡