Lover of my Soul

Dear Jesus,

So many intense feelings lately!  They crash over me with such intensity, I feel off-balance most of the time.  I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere.  I find myself sharing at such a deeply intense level, I make people uncomfortable.  I feel them shifting and gracefully finding an out so they no longer need to witness or hear my raw, unfiltered self.

Through all of this, I am being drawn closer to You.  I feel how intensely You want to connect with me at this new level.  I have felt You shifting my relationship from Papa God, to You, Jesus, my Beloved, the lover of my soul.  I have written about this, I have talked about this, and this word was confirmed in today’s message at church.  

I feel You beside me, and I feel myself yielding to You, to your presence.  I am learning to listen to Your still small voice and become comfortable following where I feel and see You leading me.

This is all so new and it is a little unsettling.  But I have been settled too long.  I have been settling for too long.  I want You to lead me in every action and every word I speak.  I know I won’t be perfect, I know I will fall short, and I know You know this, but You love me anyway.  You just want to hear me say these words. “I want to follow You, I want You to lead me.”

I am very tired my Love Jesus.  I want to go to sleep and feel you watching over me.  I want to dream about You.  I want You to speak to me in my dreams and tell me where You want me to go next, where our next adventure is.  Where You wish me to go so we can be together in reaching out to all who are lost, lonely, forgotten.  I want to dream about how much You love me and desire me, and want me walking so closely with You, I never feel alone or like I don’t belong.

Goodnight my sweet Jesus!  I love You! ~ Amen!

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Jesus Understands Your Loneliness — Desiring God

 

I understand loneliness, and I know Jesus understands it as well. I appreciate this perspective and hope you take time to read the article.  Be blessed! ~♡ Eliza

 

 

Do you ever think of Jesus as lonely? Certainly his moments in Gethsemane and on Calvary were uniquely and terribly lonely, but what about the rest of his life? In some sense, he may have been the loneliest human in history. Loneliness is what we feel when we’re isolated from others. Loneliness often has less…

via Jesus Understands Your Loneliness — Desiring God

A Stirring in My Heart

Almost a year ago, I began to feel something stir within my heart, something I hadn’t felt or thought about for nearly twenty years… 

Almost a year ago, I began to feel something stir within my heart, something I hadn’t felt or thought about for nearly twenty years…  I began to journal and process my feelings, praying and reaching out to God to help make sense of it.  I will share some of my journal entries, prayers, and experiences God has used along the way, to speak to my heart and teach me about His love.

May 29th 2017 ~ Journal entry

Song of Solomon 8:6‭-‬7 NKJV

Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is  as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it.  If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised.

Papa, I know you know me, know the desires of my heart, and hear all my prayers and cries for help when I feel frustrated and confused.  I feel like something that has long been asleep has awakened in me and I am struggling with it, what it means and if it is something I need to push down and overcome, or something I need to explore and walk through with You.

It is the thought of, and the chance for romantic love in my life.  I don’t know where or how this can fit into my life, and feel it would be a distraction that could derail parts of my life I don’t want derailed.  Yet I feel a longing to be desired, loved and cherished by a special man.  There is not anyone this is directed toward or causing these feelings, just a certain loneliness for touch and to feel special to someone in a romantic way.

The funny thing is, I don’t want to “put myself out there”.  I don’t have any desire to date or expose myself to a slew of single available men.  Is what I am experiencing a final dying off of the last phases of my “youth” (I use this term loosely).  *Deep sign*

Oh Papa, I love you and know you are with me always, keeping me safe and on track.  Be with me through this and help me to feel how deep Your love is for me.  Drown out any delusions or deceptions that would lead me down a wrong path.  Help me to reconcile the loose ends in my life, the open unanswered questions.  Heal the old wounds keeping me stuck in a holding pattern.  Give me the courage to step out when you call me to come out of the boat.  Help me to feel your peace, and your forgiveness as I stumble through these feelings and desires.  I pray this in Jesus name, Amen!

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