Into Faith I Go…

I love how God sends me songs just when I need them, confirming all He is teaching, saying ‘Well done, you are listening!’  It has been a while since I have heard from God in this way and I have missed it, began to crave it.  

This song “Into Faith I Go”, by Pat Barrett, came through my YouTube feed, and once I heard it, I knew it was from God, telling me not to give up, stay the course and keep pushing through. Through this song, I hear Him saying to me, “I know it is scary, I know you are tired, but fear is no longer an option.  Turning back and assuming old behaviors and roles is no longer an option.   I love how you look for me in every experience, every day.  I hear your prayers to know me more intimately.  I hear your prayers to sharpen your eyes to see what I want you to see, to hear what I want you to hear, and the courage to say the things I want you to say in each encounter.   There is so much I want to show you, people I want you to meet, and unspeakable joy to experience.  I am with you, walking beside you, I am so very proud of you my beloved!”

Into Faith I Go

I’ve never been good at change
If I’m honest, it’s always scared me
But I can’t deny this stirring deep inside me
Now I know it’s time to stop resisting
‘Cause I’m not getting any younger
Fear is a such a sad way to live a life
So face to the wind, I’m jumping out, I’m walking in
Every single thing You want to show me
To the ups and downs, the highs and lows
The taking in, the letting go
To tears and laughter, the great unknown
To the open journey, into faith, I go
Into faith, I go
Nobody said this would be easy
Anyone who did never went through anything painful
But faith is not some fragile thing that 
Shatters when we walk through something hard
So, we walk on whatever may come
To the ups and downs, the highs and lows
The taking in, the letting go
To tears and laughter, the great unknown
To the open journey, into faith, I go
Running like a child in an open field
Stepping off the edge, I’m facing all my fears
If this is what it feels like to be born again
I’ll be born again
So when I feel like giving up
When I feel like throwing it all away
I look back over my shoulder
And I can see Your goodness every single step that I have taken
And it beats like a drum
And it rings like a bell
And it sings like a choir
And it’s leading me on my way
Oh, You lead me on my way
To the ups and downs, the highs and lows
The taking in, the letting go
To tears and laughter, the great unknown
To the open journey, into faith, I go
Into faith, I go
Into faith, I go

 

Songwriters: Ed Cash / Pat Barrett
Into Faith I Go lyrics © Music Services, Inc
frozen wave against sunlight
Photo by Hernan Pauccara on Pexels.com

The Pieces of my Heart

I know He promises beauty for ashes, but the pain and shame coming forth, or just below the surface as I walk through my day is overwhelming.

So much of what I am processing are old wounds and abuse from my past.  I thought I had addressed these issues, but I have come to understand, I have not experienced the emotions and feelings which keep me repeating unhealthy, limiting behaviors.

I had to leave work early, unable to focus as raw emotions kept surfacing.  I am finding things people say become triggers, stirring feelings I have no idea how to handle, or let out.  I need to feel safe, but I don’t know where or who ‘safe’ is.

This journey of healing began well over a year ago, and the Lord has made it clear what He is leading me through, and His divine purposes to be accomplished in my life as these wounds are dealt with and healed.  He made it clear as I continue repeating behaviors which result from the wounds in my soul, I will harm myself and others, despite my good intentions.

He wants to use the gifts He has given me, but in my current state, they are too entangled with my wounds.

God sent me the song Pieces at the beginning of this journey.  He used this song to teach me about healthy love and challenged me to look at all the ways my heart was fractured and in pieces.  He showed me I compartmentalize how I love in my life, hiding away little bits, and loving with only little fragments of my heart.  This song meant so much to me, I printed out the lyrics, folded it in thirds, and placed it under my keyboard at work.  I would periodically open it and read it as if it were a love letter from God.

As I arrived home from work Friday, feeling broken and raw, trying to understand the deep pain and shame rising in torrents, I let songs cycle through my YouTube account.  I believe God sent me this version of Piecessung by Amanda Cook.

This version of the song has spontaneous prophetic declaration in the beginning before she breaks into singing the song.  The following is what she is declaring, I believe over me and the process I am going through right now…
You’re giving us new memories,
You’re giving us new memories, all the places shame wrote our story.
You’re giving us Your memory,
it’s not just perspective, it’s innocence restored.
You’re giving us Your memory,
You’re giving us a new memory,
You are rewriting our story, our story with Your love. 
praise God

 

This song sweetly says what I believe God is doing in my life right now…

The song is Pieces,  the song He gave me at the beginning of this journey over a year ago.

Unreserved, unrestrained, Your love is wild, Your love is wild for me.
It isn’t shy, it’s unashamed, Your love is proud to be seen with me.
You don’t give your heart in pieces, you don’t hide yourself to tease us.
Uncontrolled, uncontained, You love is a fire
Burning bright for me.
It’s not just a spark, it’s not just a flame, Your love is a light 
That all the world will see 
That all the world will see
You don’t give your heart in pieces, You don’t hide yourself to tease us. 
You don’t give your heart in pieces, You don’t hide yourself to tease us.
Your love’s not fractured, it’s not a troubled mind. 
It isn’t anxious, 
It’s not the restless kind.
Your love’s not passive, 
It’s never disengaged. 
It’s always present, 
It hangs on every word we say. 
Love keeps its promises, 
It keeps its word. 
It honors what’s sacred 
Cause its vows are good. 
Your love’s not broken, 
It’s not insecure. 
Your love’s not selfish, 
You love is pure.
You don’t give your heart in pieces, You don’t hide yourself to tease us. 
You don’t give your heart in pieces, You don’t hide yourself to tease us.
You don’t give your heart in pieces, You don’t hide yourself to tease us
Songwriters: Caroline Ailin / Philip Cook / Thomas Gregersen
Pieces lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Songtrust Ave, BMG Rights Management