Rest in Peace Sweet Jean ~ ♡

I feel so blessed to have known sweet Jean for the past 17 years.  We would visit every other Saturday, sometimes enjoying a meal out or a ride in the car to get ice cream.  Little kindnesses would make her smile, which always warmed my heart.  She was a simple, loving soul, who I know is now in the loving arms of Jesus.

She turned 84 years old August 31st, the picture I am including is from Saturday, September 1st, the day we celebrated her birthday, just one day before she passed.   I am so blessed I was able to celebrate this last birthday with her.   I brought her pink balloons and a simple vanilla cake with white frosting, her favorites.

I had a friend point out the bright light right next to her, which makes me smile as I contemplate its source.
Rest in peace sweet Jean bean and be sure to give Trudy a big hug for me. ~♡

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The Pieces of my Heart

I know He promises beauty for ashes, but the pain and shame coming forth, or just below the surface as I walk through my day is overwhelming.

So much of what I am processing are old wounds and abuse from my past.  I thought I had addressed these issues, but I have come to understand, I have not experienced the emotions and feelings which keep me repeating unhealthy, limiting behaviors.

I had to leave work early, unable to focus as raw emotions kept surfacing.  I am finding things people say become triggers, stirring feelings I have no idea how to handle, or let out.  I need to feel safe, but I don’t know where or who ‘safe’ is.

This journey of healing began well over a year ago, and the Lord has made it clear what He is leading me through, and His divine purposes to be accomplished in my life as these wounds are dealt with and healed.  He made it clear as I continue repeating behaviors which result from the wounds in my soul, I will harm myself and others, despite my good intentions.

He wants to use the gifts He has given me, but in my current state, they are too entangled with my wounds.

God sent me the song Pieces at the beginning of this journey.  He used this song to teach me about healthy love and challenged me to look at all the ways my heart was fractured and in pieces.  He showed me I compartmentalize how I love in my life, hiding away little bits, and loving with only little fragments of my heart.  This song meant so much to me, I printed out the lyrics, folded it in thirds, and placed it under my keyboard at work.  I would periodically open it and read it as if it were a love letter from God.

As I arrived home from work Friday, feeling broken and raw, trying to understand the deep pain and shame rising in torrents, I let songs cycle through my YouTube account.  I believe God sent me this version of Piecessung by Amanda Cook.

This version of the song has spontaneous prophetic declaration in the beginning before she breaks into singing the song.  The following is what she is declaring, I believe over me and the process I am going through right now…
You’re giving us new memories,
You’re giving us new memories, all the places shame wrote our story.
You’re giving us Your memory,
it’s not just perspective, it’s innocence restored.
You’re giving us Your memory,
You’re giving us a new memory,
You are rewriting our story, our story with Your love. 
praise God

 

This song sweetly says what I believe God is doing in my life right now…

The song is Pieces,  the song He gave me at the beginning of this journey over a year ago.

Unreserved, unrestrained, Your love is wild, Your love is wild for me.
It isn’t shy, it’s unashamed, Your love is proud to be seen with me.
You don’t give your heart in pieces, you don’t hide yourself to tease us.
Uncontrolled, uncontained, You love is a fire
Burning bright for me.
It’s not just a spark, it’s not just a flame, Your love is a light 
That all the world will see 
That all the world will see
You don’t give your heart in pieces, You don’t hide yourself to tease us. 
You don’t give your heart in pieces, You don’t hide yourself to tease us.
Your love’s not fractured, it’s not a troubled mind. 
It isn’t anxious, 
It’s not the restless kind.
Your love’s not passive, 
It’s never disengaged. 
It’s always present, 
It hangs on every word we say. 
Love keeps its promises, 
It keeps its word. 
It honors what’s sacred 
Cause its vows are good. 
Your love’s not broken, 
It’s not insecure. 
Your love’s not selfish, 
You love is pure.
You don’t give your heart in pieces, You don’t hide yourself to tease us. 
You don’t give your heart in pieces, You don’t hide yourself to tease us.
You don’t give your heart in pieces, You don’t hide yourself to tease us
Songwriters: Caroline Ailin / Philip Cook / Thomas Gregersen
Pieces lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Songtrust Ave, BMG Rights Management

 

Oh What Joy and Rapture!

The Horse Whisperer

Five white horses running in slowed motion along a sandy stretch of beach, their manes flowing in rhythm with their gate.  A single rider stands in the middle, each foot planted gently on the back of two different horses, holding the mane of one as his body moves in perfect rhythm and unison.  In another scene the same rider sits on the ground, a lone white horse stands right behind him, as one stands intimately close to their friend or love.  The man, relaxed and comfortable in a space most would consider unsafe, with a powerful animal able to stomp him where he sits.  The horse nuzzles his head as he enjoys her attention and gentle affection.   Several other scenes in this short film show him riding bareback, his hands free or gently holding on to the horse’s mane, or surrounded by the same five horses as they encircle him. He is comfortable and at ease, these beautiful, powerful animals in complete submission and obedience, yet free and unrestrained.

These mesmerizing scenes are from the short film The Horse Whisperer, in which Jean François Pignon, tells the story of how he was captivated as a teenager by a white horse named Gazelle.  From her, he learned to communicate with horses in a totally silent world of senses, where one must be calm and serene inside, completely free of tension.  Once in this state, one is able to communicate on a truly sensitive level.

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These images of the relationship between the horses and their trainer strike me as particularly beautiful.  The freedom, respect, and love exhibited in this relationship speaks to my heart.  These magnificent, powerful creatures, unrestrained, yet in complete submission to their trainer.  This is a beautiful example of the way I wish to experience complete submission and obedience to my Lord.

This is also an image I have held in my mind and heart of the relationship I desire to have with a man.  Moving in sync and harmony as he directs.  We are quietly sensitive to each other’s needs, aware of the power each is given, and moving with grace and complete unrestrained freedom.  Within this relationship is complete trust and respect. The trainer respects the power and freedom of the horse, trusting her to fully submit and follow.  She gives over her will to his in complete faith he will care for her and lead her well. The joy and freedom they experience is what I long for, both with the Lord and with my love. This becomes even deeper as I imagine the man I love and long for in complete submission and obedience to our Lord.  Oh what joy and rapture!

Perhaps these are lessons we can use in our walk with the Lord.  Entering into silence, away from the noise of our lives and the endless chatter inside our  heads, releasing tensions and the cares of this world.  Calm takes over, serenity and peace move in. Here we become sensitive to His Holy Spirit, the still small voice.  We sense His movements and His power.  His leading is gentle and we follow in complete faith and trust.  The deeper our relationship with God, the more open and receptive we are to healthy relationships.  The more we make God our center and source of love, acceptance, and approval, the less we seek these from others who can never fully satisfy the longing in our hearts. ~ ♡

How do you know if he is your Boaz?

I found this posted in Facebook, but couldn’t find a link to a blog post or article, so I listed the author and title below… Love, love, love this!!!

Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2014

How do you know if he is your Boaz?

A Modern Day Boaz will:

  • He will honor you and respect you. He will handle your heart tenderly. His intentions will be honorable.
  • He will provide and care for you with his actions. He looks out for the best for you.
  • He will protect you and spiritually lead you and be a covering to you. He will pray with you and for you. He will take you to church. He will read the word with you.
  • He will understand your journey and desire to make your days better and sweeter than before.
  • He will celebrate you and appreciate your strengths, beauty and character.
  • He will preserve you. He will honorably do right by you by waiting until marriage. He sees you as a treasure and a blessing from God.
  • He will love you by demonstrating the character of Christ to you through his words and actions.
  • He will always try to be a blessing to you and your children every day of his life. He will embrace you and your kids with open arms.

You won’t settle for less than the best. You won’t have to try to make a man treat you this way, because he already will. You don’t raise a man into being a man, he already is one. God’s best for you won’t need fixing. Second best and settling….will need it. Don’t go there. You are completely open to God’s submission by letting Him write your love story. Listen to His voice, and trust in His perfect plan.

You know you are ready when you are not afraid to love and trust someone. You desire companionship and sharing a life again. You desire to be a blessing to the man God has waiting for you. Your heart is open to trust and to receive love again. You are healthy in your mind, heart and soul. You desire to be a helpmate.

How do you know you are his Ruth?

  • You want to be a blessing to him every day of his life. You strive and look for ways to bless him.
  • You desire to be his greatest cheerleader and prayer partner.
  • You are his faithful confidante. He can trust you.
  • You want to honor him and respect him as a man of God and as your spiritual leader.
  • You celebrate his strengths and you accept his weaknesses.
  • You bring a strength he can rely on. You are loyal to him only.
  • You are his best friend and want to be his lifelong lover.
  • You are willing to be a good receiver of his love and acts of kindness.
  • You appreciate and value what he does for you.
  • You believe in his dreams and callings. You want to support him and build a life with him. His desires are yours, and his dreams are yours.
  • You honor him both publicly and privately.
  • You desire to please him.
  • You strive to do him good all the days of your life.
  • You are anointed and appointed to be his wife.

Ruth and Boaz is my favorite love story. God gives second chances. He always restores better than before. Your heartache and loss are being turned around so your greatest love story can unfold. God gave Ruth better than before, and her legacy of love continued through the lineage of Jesus and beyond! ❤ Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2014

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The Joy of How You Whisper “More”

“I want to see you.

Know your voice.

Recognize you when you first come ‘round the corner.

Sense your scent when I first come into a room you’ve just left.

Know the lift of your heel, the glide of your foot.

Become familiar with the way you purse your lips and then let them part, just the slightest bit, when I lean in to your space and kiss you.

I want to know the joy of how you whisper “more”.

— Rumi

I love the poetry of Rumi. He expresses so well the yearning for connection, with loved ones, and with God.

Eliza ~♡

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Take Courage

He is in the waiting…

I had a dream about a month ago I feel was sent to me from God.  In the dream, the chorus from the song “Take Courage ” which sings  ‘He’s in the waiting, He’s in the waiting’, kept repeating, and as this verse was repeating, a single, very full white daisy filled the vision.

He’s in the waiting, He’s in the waiting

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When I woke, I wrote my impressions of the dream in my notebook next to my bed.  Later, I looked up the meaning and symbolism for white daisy.  My eyes traveled down the page as if directed and stopped on this:

Daisy’s are composite flowers, meaning they actually consist of two flowers combined into one.  The inner section is called a disc floret, and the outer petal section is called a ray floret.  Because daisies are composed of two flowers that blend together so well, they symbolize true love.

In my heart I feel God is showing me as I rest in Him and wait, resisting all temptations to rush out ahead of Him as I have in the past, I will enter into a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him.  He is in the waiting.  He is fully present with me and for me in the waiting.

I have experienced Him in the last several days holding my hand with our fingers entwined, the way two lovers do.  No longer holding my hand as a father and child, hands cupped together, His in the leading position.

I see Him lying face to face next to me.  His eyes on me with love and compassion.  I breath in deeply and feel all the love He has for me.  

There are moments as I am in the waiting, I feel Him reach over and gently brush my cheek with the back of his fingers.  In these moments I feel seen, understood, and deeply loved for who I am.

I feel He is showing me the daisy as a promise of true love.  Two becoming one flesh.  I am not certain if the promise is to say He has prepared a very special man for me, a true love, or the promise is the fulfillment of His true love for me being complete and fulfilled through this season of waiting.

Either way, I trust Him and know something amazing is taking place in my heart and soul.

Below are the lyrics to the song “Take Courage“.

Take Courage

Songwriters: Kristene DiMarco / Jeremy Riddle

Slow down, take time

Breath in He said

He’d reveal what’s to come

The thoughts in His mind

Always higher than mine

He’ll reveal all to come

Take courage my heart

Stay steadfast my soul

He’s in the waiting, He’s in the waiting

Hold onto your hope

As your triumph unfolds

He’s never failing, He’s never failing

Sing praise my soul

Find strength in joy

Let His Words lead you on

Do not forget His great faithfulness

He’ll finish all He’s begun

So take courage my heart

Stay steadfast my soul

He’s in the waiting, He’s in the waiting

And You who hold the stars

Who call them each by name

Will surely keep, Your promise to me

That I will rise, in Your victory!

So take courage my heart

Stay steadfast my soul

He’s in the waiting, He’s in the waiting

And hold onto your hope

Watch your triumph unfold

He’s never failing, He’s never failing

 

So take courage my heart

Stay steadfast my soul

He’s in the waiting

He’s in the waiting

And hold onto your hope

Watch your triumph unfold

He’s never failing, He’s never failing!

 

He’s in the waiting…

Waiting is hard.  It is a time of quiet contemplation and prayer.  I question whether it is wise to wait, or if it is better to take action and move on.  But move on to what?

God is always in the waiting.  He is patient, He is kind, and He is always with us, gently waiting to lead once we become still and quiet enough to hear His voice and see the path He has prepared to walk with us.

He will never leave us or forsake us.  He loves us through our madness and even accepts and embraces us in our anger and frustration.  His love never fails.~♡

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