I Will Know Him

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for reaching out and extending your hand to lead me. I love the look in your eyes, beckoning to follow, wooing my trust on the path you are leading me. When I think of the relationship I have with you, I realize this is the intimacy, trust, and submission I want to experience with the man you have prepared for me. I know the only way I can experience this close, deep intimacy with a man is if he is also in deep, close, abiding intimacy with You. I will see in his eyes the same gentle beckoning, coaxing to trust and follow. I will see You – I will recognize him by Your Holy Spirit. He will recognize me as his spirit relaxes into the comfort one feels with a dear friend because Your Holy Spirit is with me.

Thank you Jesus for all you are teaching me in this season and thank You for reminding me how much You love me. It is only with You and through You I will come to life everlasting. Guide me in all Your ways and keep me from the snares of the enemy. I pray this all in your precious name Jesus! Amen!

Intimacy with God

In a recent bible study I attend, the teacher talked about how God is like a woman in that He wants us focusing on and making Him the center of our hearts and lives.  The bible tells us God is jealous and does not want our attention or affection shared with anyone or anything else.  Exodus 34:14; II Corinthians 11:2

The speaker went on to say when a man really loves a woman, the only thing he sees in a crowded room is her… His attention is drawn fully to her, and the woman wants to feel like he only has eyes for her.  He said he imagines God is like this and he keeps this in mind in his relationship with God.  

I mention this analogy because I have been in a deep exploration and study of what true intimacy with God is and how it is expressed in our lives and our walk with God.

I know we are the bride of Christ, and as a woman, I relate to being a bride in my personal relationship with God.  I have spoken with some men who are puzzled by the intimacy I speak of in my relationship with God.  This has made me wonder and want to ask how a man relates to being the Bride of Christ and how he experiences intimacy with God.

After discussing this with several men friends, I found men shy away from considering themselves personally as the Bride of Christ or Jesus as their groom, stating the references in the bible are metaphorical and the bride is the church as a whole, not individuals.  I can certainly understand this perspective, and I understand the church is the bride of Christ, however, Christ died for His people, which encompass all the individual believers who are the Bride.  From this I see Jesus not just viewing us as a collective, but seeing, knowing, and loving each of us as individuals.  The individuals He gave His life for so we could be with Him for eternity (Savior, but also groom/husband).  Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

I am drilling down because I believe as we see ourselves as Christ’s bride in an individual sense, it can guide our behavior and walk with Him.  Please understand as I speak of intimacy with Jesus, I am not speaking of physical intimacy as we experience in the earthly human marriage, but of the deeply close relationship intellectually, emotionally, spirituality which exists in a healthy marriage and provides satisfaction, security, and comfort.

As an individual who relates personally to being the bride of Christ, I think about my desire for Him, always wanting more, and seeking after His presence daily.  Is this not also how a new bride longs for and desires her groom?  The marriage relationship is two becoming one, and where we invest the greatest amount of time, love, and resources.  I also easily see a godly man longing and desiring to spend time with God, be in His presence.  I see this longing and desire in David and his Psalms.  Isn’t David known as ‘a man after God’s own heart’? (Acts 13:22)

This verse also mentions David in the position of submission and obedience, which is called for from a wife in Ephesians 5:24. David’s position of obedience pleases the Lord, and He says ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.’  

This is one of the many Psalms of David that expresses a longing and yearning to connect with God.  Psalm 42:1-2 NIV
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.  My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?

God desires an intimate relationship with us individually and longs to have us in communion with Him, so much so He gave His only son as a sacrifice to ensure we can return to Him.  I started to look through scriptures to support how much God desires us and longs to have an intimate relationship with us, with me; then I realized the whole bible is a love story.  The love story is about God, who created man, male and female, to be in relationship with us.  We broke His heart with disobedience, not trusting Him to guide our lives, telling Him we could do this on our own, now equipped with the knowledge of good and evil.  From that point on, the bible is a story of God relentlessly pursuing us to bring us back into sacred relationship with Himself.

I continue to seek deeper levels of intimacy with God and understand how to walk this out in my daily life.  The question I am asking is part of my yearning to know and understand intimacy with God, and also learn how others experience or seek to grow their relationship with Him.  I hear people expressing how they fall short and are disobedient and feel distant from God.  They long for a more intimate relationship, but their insecurities keep them from experiencing deeper levels of intimacy with God.

I agree our hangups and disobedience do distance us from God, but not because He moves away and shuns us.  I believe we distance ourselves from God out of our own shame for not living up to the endless love He has for us.  Just as Adam and Eve hid from the Lord God out of shame, we hide from God out of our shame.  The thing is, we no longer need to hide in shame when we fall short, are disobedient, and sin against God.  We need to run toward Him, taking all our fear, angst, shame, telling Him everything.  It’s not like we are hiding anything from Him by running away or distancing ourselves from Him.  He knows everything, sees everything.  Above all else, He sees us covered in the blood of His precious Son Jesus.  Everything separating us from having a deep, intimate relationship with God was destroyed when Jesus gave up His life as a sacrifice to pay our debt of sin. Matthew 27:50-51.

Over the past 22 years since accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I have been disobedient, continue to fall short, and struggle with my own insecurities.  This never seems to end, although I see how I have been broken down and allowed God to do His work in my life.  Through it all, I continue to run to Him, confess when I have sinned, and plead with Him for help when I get stuck in repeating behaviors I know are not a part of His plan for my life.  There is nothing I do that will keep Him from loving me.  He has promised He will never leave me nor forsake me.  He has promised He will follow me in the the depths of hell, so I know there is no need to hide my sin and shame from Him.  I rest in Him and find peace for my soul.  I cast my cares on Him, and He cares for me.  All of this, and I long for more because what I find in Him is good and abundantly above all I could ever expect.  Hebrews 13:5; Psalm 139:8; Matt 11:29; Psalm 34:8; I Peter 4:3; Ephesians 3:20

This article about intimacy with God, echos much of what God has been teaching me this year.  I encourage you to read it and see all the benefits of seeking an intimate relationship with our Lord and Savior! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.~ ♡


You Matter to Me…

On this God led, healing journey, my heart has opened, I’ve fallen in love, and my heart’s been broken… beautifully broken, revealing all of what God wants to heal.

This journey started well over a year ago when I started talking to Papa God about the condition of my heart and inviting Him in…  Through this, He has walked with me side by side, showing me the fractured condition of my heart, and revealing the behaviors which lead me down roads which are not a part of His perfect plan for my life.

In this process, God challenged me to let go of control and fall in love.  Through this, He teaches me how falling in love is an essential part of having an intimate relationship with Him, holding nothing back, allowing myself to fully give and receive His love.

My Papa God knows me like no other, and He knows how I learn.  Through this, He brought a wonderful Christian man into my life and we began corresponding as of January first after a chance, online encounter New Year’s eve.  I believe it was through this long-distance connection God provided a safe way for me to ‘fall in love’, letting go of the need to control and figure everything out, stay in the safety of my head.  With this man I found a kindred spirit, someone who was interested in the things I said, enjoyed my quirky creative spirit, challenged me, and helped grow my understanding and love for God.  God used our connection to reveal the special gifts He has given me, using them to minister, while at the same time blessing me with my friend’s special gifts of encouragement, kindness, and sacrificial love.

We shared little bits of our lives with each other through email, texts, and phone calls. We prayed for each other as we faced challenges, both large and small.  When my friend faced a difficult, life changing decision, I prayed for him.  The challenges he faced and the decisions he made to manage the circumstances in his life, made it impossible for us to continue our correspondence and growing friendship.  This broke my heart and affected me at a much deeper level than I expected and have struggled to understand.  God has been with me through it all, letting me know how much He loves me.  He reminds me daily He is with me, true to His promise He will never leave me nor forsake me.

Papa God sends me songs to help me understand all He is teaching me, or wants me to know, and in an effort to help me through this loss, this unfamiliar pain I am feeling, He sent me the song You Matter to Me.  Through this song, I feel Him telling me the loss I feel so deeply is because, with my friend, I felt a connection, a deep and meaningful connection.  I felt I mattered, and the things I said, mattered to someone.  There was someone in my life I deeply cared for, and his life mattered to me. I felt seen, loved and cherished for who I am, all of me, flaws and all.  I know I loved and cherished him, all of him, all of his perfect imperfections.  He was my friend and I let myself fall in love.  I did so knowing there was ‘very little hope’ of us ending up together, but I let that go to trust in God and His perfect will and plan.  I let go of needing to control and predict outcomes in an effort to protect my heart.  In this, God asked me to open my heart completely because to truly understand His love I need to risk getting my heart broken.  This is how God loves, this is how God loves me and how He will love others through me; with my whole heart, fully open, completely vulnerable. ~ ♥

Oh What Joy and Rapture!

The Horse Whisperer

Five white horses running in slowed motion along a sandy stretch of beach, their manes flowing in rhythm with their gate.  A single rider stands in the middle, each foot planted gently on the back of two different horses, holding the mane of one as his body moves in perfect rhythm and unison.  In another scene the same rider sits on the ground, a lone white horse stands right behind him, as one stands intimately close to their friend or love.  The man, relaxed and comfortable in a space most would consider unsafe, with a powerful animal able to stomp him where he sits.  The horse nuzzles his head as he enjoys her attention and gentle affection.   Several other scenes in this short film show him riding bareback, his hands free or gently holding on to the horse’s mane, or surrounded by the same five horses as they encircle him. He is comfortable and at ease, these beautiful, powerful animals in complete submission and obedience, yet free and unrestrained.

These mesmerizing scenes are from the short film The Horse Whisperer, in which Jean François Pignon, tells the story of how he was captivated as a teenager by a white horse named Gazelle.  From her, he learned to communicate with horses in a totally silent world of senses, where one must be calm and serene inside, completely free of tension.  Once in this state, one is able to communicate on a truly sensitive level.

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These images of the relationship between the horses and their trainer strike me as particularly beautiful.  The freedom, respect, and love exhibited in this relationship speaks to my heart.  These magnificent, powerful creatures, unrestrained, yet in complete submission to their trainer.  This is a beautiful example of the way I wish to experience complete submission and obedience to my Lord.

This is also an image I have held in my mind and heart of the relationship I desire to have with a man.  Moving in sync and harmony as he directs.  We are quietly sensitive to each other’s needs, aware of the power each is given, and moving with grace and complete unrestrained freedom.  Within this relationship is complete trust and respect. The trainer respects the power and freedom of the horse, trusting her to fully submit and follow.  She gives over her will to his in complete faith he will care for her and lead her well. The joy and freedom they experience is what I long for, both with the Lord and with my love. This becomes even deeper as I imagine the man I love and long for in complete submission and obedience to our Lord.  Oh what joy and rapture!

Perhaps these are lessons we can use in our walk with the Lord.  Entering into silence, away from the noise of our lives and the endless chatter inside our  heads, releasing tensions and the cares of this world.  Calm takes over, serenity and peace move in. Here we become sensitive to His Holy Spirit, the still small voice.  We sense His movements and His power.  His leading is gentle and we follow in complete faith and trust.  The deeper our relationship with God, the more open and receptive we are to healthy relationships.  The more we make God our center and source of love, acceptance, and approval, the less we seek these from others who can never fully satisfy the longing in our hearts. ~ ♡

How do you know if he is your Boaz?

I found this posted in Facebook, but couldn’t find a link to a blog post or article, so I listed the author and title below… Love, love, love this!!!

Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2014

How do you know if he is your Boaz?

A Modern Day Boaz will:

  • He will honor you and respect you. He will handle your heart tenderly. His intentions will be honorable.
  • He will provide and care for you with his actions. He looks out for the best for you.
  • He will protect you and spiritually lead you and be a covering to you. He will pray with you and for you. He will take you to church. He will read the word with you.
  • He will understand your journey and desire to make your days better and sweeter than before.
  • He will celebrate you and appreciate your strengths, beauty and character.
  • He will preserve you. He will honorably do right by you by waiting until marriage. He sees you as a treasure and a blessing from God.
  • He will love you by demonstrating the character of Christ to you through his words and actions.
  • He will always try to be a blessing to you and your children every day of his life. He will embrace you and your kids with open arms.

You won’t settle for less than the best. You won’t have to try to make a man treat you this way, because he already will. You don’t raise a man into being a man, he already is one. God’s best for you won’t need fixing. Second best and settling….will need it. Don’t go there. You are completely open to God’s submission by letting Him write your love story. Listen to His voice, and trust in His perfect plan.

You know you are ready when you are not afraid to love and trust someone. You desire companionship and sharing a life again. You desire to be a blessing to the man God has waiting for you. Your heart is open to trust and to receive love again. You are healthy in your mind, heart and soul. You desire to be a helpmate.

How do you know you are his Ruth?

  • You want to be a blessing to him every day of his life. You strive and look for ways to bless him.
  • You desire to be his greatest cheerleader and prayer partner.
  • You are his faithful confidante. He can trust you.
  • You want to honor him and respect him as a man of God and as your spiritual leader.
  • You celebrate his strengths and you accept his weaknesses.
  • You bring a strength he can rely on. You are loyal to him only.
  • You are his best friend and want to be his lifelong lover.
  • You are willing to be a good receiver of his love and acts of kindness.
  • You appreciate and value what he does for you.
  • You believe in his dreams and callings. You want to support him and build a life with him. His desires are yours, and his dreams are yours.
  • You honor him both publicly and privately.
  • You desire to please him.
  • You strive to do him good all the days of your life.
  • You are anointed and appointed to be his wife.

Ruth and Boaz is my favorite love story. God gives second chances. He always restores better than before. Your heartache and loss are being turned around so your greatest love story can unfold. God gave Ruth better than before, and her legacy of love continued through the lineage of Jesus and beyond! ❤ Written by Jenny Williams, A Modern Day Ruth Copyright 2014

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The Joy of How You Whisper “More”

“I want to see you.

Know your voice.

Recognize you when you first come ‘round the corner.

Sense your scent when I first come into a room you’ve just left.

Know the lift of your heel, the glide of your foot.

Become familiar with the way you purse your lips and then let them part, just the slightest bit, when I lean in to your space and kiss you.

I want to know the joy of how you whisper “more”.

— Rumi

I love the poetry of Rumi. He expresses so well the yearning for connection, with loved ones, and with God.

Eliza ~♡

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Take Courage

He is in the waiting…

I had a dream about a month ago I feel was sent to me from God.  In the dream, the chorus from the song “Take Courage ” which sings  ‘He’s in the waiting, He’s in the waiting’, kept repeating, and as this verse was repeating, a single, very full white daisy filled the vision.

He’s in the waiting, He’s in the waiting

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When I woke, I wrote my impressions of the dream in my notebook next to my bed.  Later, I looked up the meaning and symbolism for white daisy.  My eyes traveled down the page as if directed and stopped on this:

Daisy’s are composite flowers, meaning they actually consist of two flowers combined into one.  The inner section is called a disc floret, and the outer petal section is called a ray floret.  Because daisies are composed of two flowers that blend together so well, they symbolize true love.

In my heart I feel God is showing me as I rest in Him and wait, resisting all temptations to rush out ahead of Him as I have in the past, I will enter into a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him.  He is in the waiting.  He is fully present with me and for me in the waiting.

I have experienced Him in the last several days holding my hand with our fingers entwined, the way two lovers do.  No longer holding my hand as a father and child, hands cupped together, His in the leading position.

I see Him lying face to face next to me.  His eyes on me with love and compassion.  I breath in deeply and feel all the love He has for me.  

There are moments as I am in the waiting, I feel Him reach over and gently brush my cheek with the back of his fingers.  In these moments I feel seen, understood, and deeply loved for who I am.

I feel He is showing me the daisy as a promise of true love.  Two becoming one flesh.  I am not certain if the promise is to say He has prepared a very special man for me, a true love, or the promise is the fulfillment of His true love for me being complete and fulfilled through this season of waiting.

Either way, I trust Him and know something amazing is taking place in my heart and soul.

Below are the lyrics to the song “Take Courage“.

Take Courage

Songwriters: Kristene DiMarco / Jeremy Riddle

Slow down, take time

Breath in He said

He’d reveal what’s to come

The thoughts in His mind

Always higher than mine

He’ll reveal all to come

Take courage my heart

Stay steadfast my soul

He’s in the waiting, He’s in the waiting

Hold onto your hope

As your triumph unfolds

He’s never failing, He’s never failing

Sing praise my soul

Find strength in joy

Let His Words lead you on

Do not forget His great faithfulness

He’ll finish all He’s begun

So take courage my heart

Stay steadfast my soul

He’s in the waiting, He’s in the waiting

And You who hold the stars

Who call them each by name

Will surely keep, Your promise to me

That I will rise, in Your victory!

So take courage my heart

Stay steadfast my soul

He’s in the waiting, He’s in the waiting

And hold onto your hope

Watch your triumph unfold

He’s never failing, He’s never failing

 

So take courage my heart

Stay steadfast my soul

He’s in the waiting

He’s in the waiting

And hold onto your hope

Watch your triumph unfold

He’s never failing, He’s never failing!

 

He’s in the waiting…

Waiting is hard.  It is a time of quiet contemplation and prayer.  I question whether it is wise to wait, or if it is better to take action and move on.  But move on to what?

God is always in the waiting.  He is patient, He is kind, and He is always with us, gently waiting to lead once we become still and quiet enough to hear His voice and see the path He has prepared to walk with us.

He will never leave us or forsake us.  He loves us through our madness and even accepts and embraces us in our anger and frustration.  His love never fails.~♡

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Lover of my Soul

Dear Jesus,

So many intense feelings lately!  They crash over me with such intensity, I feel off-balance most of the time.  I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere.  I find myself sharing at such a deeply intense level, I make people uncomfortable.  I feel them shifting and gracefully finding an out so they no longer need to witness or hear my raw, unfiltered self.

Through all of this, I am being drawn closer to You.  I feel how intensely You want to connect with me at this new level.  I have felt You shifting my relationship from Papa God, to You, Jesus, my Beloved, the lover of my soul.  I have written about this, I have talked about this, and this word was confirmed in today’s message at church.  

I feel You beside me, and I feel myself yielding to You, to your presence.  I am learning to listen to Your still small voice and become comfortable following where I feel and see You leading me.

This is all so new and it is a little unsettling.  But I have been settled too long.  I have been settling for too long.  I want You to lead me in every action and every word I speak.  I know I won’t be perfect, I know I will fall short, and I know You know this, but You love me anyway.  You just want to hear me say these words. “I want to follow You, I want You to lead me.”

I am very tired my Love Jesus.  I want to go to sleep and feel you watching over me.  I want to dream about You.  I want You to speak to me in my dreams and tell me where You want me to go next, where our next adventure is.  Where You wish me to go so we can be together in reaching out to all who are lost, lonely, forgotten.  I want to dream about how much You love me and desire me, and want me walking so closely with You, I never feel alone or like I don’t belong.

Goodnight my sweet Jesus!  I love You! ~ Amen!

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