Too Late, Too Damaged…

I married in my early twenties, knowing it was for all the wrong reasons… we both had doubts we should be together.  When you are young, you lack wisdom, but have energy, hope and naivete in spades.  Sometimes life breaks us down as we go through trials,  our hearts are broken… We either turn to God and allow Him to do His perfect work on our hearts, or we become bitter, cynical, and lose hope.

For my story, I feel more hopeful, healthy, and equipped to be in a godly loving relationship than any other time in my life.  I have been divorced for over twenty years, only dating about two years after my divorce.  When I finally fully gave my life to Christ, I entered into a covenant relationship with Him, and I stopped dating, committing to grow in my relationship with God.  During these years I focused on my career, my education, and becoming deeply rooted in my faith and love for Jesus.

Just this year I felt God stirring me, challenging me to open my heart, let go of all my fears, doubts, and need to predict and control outcomes, just ‘fall’ in love… Through this journey, my heart has opened and I am experiencing a deep connection with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit.  In this, I feel incredibly vulnerable.  I am learning this is the absolute best place to be.  It is when I am most vulnerable, God does His best work.  In this state, I am completely dependent, and intimately aware of my need for Him.  In this place, I desperately need His leading and guidance.

As I submit and cling to Him, staying intimately close, I am connecting with others, and experiencing incredible divine appointments on a regular basis.  Focusing on deepening my relationship with Him, keeping my heart wide open, is the perfect place and time for a godly loving relationship to develop.

There was a point several years ago I felt the chance for a godly loving relationship was gone, and I resolved to being alone and single for the rest of my life.  Now I know God’s timing is always perfect.  In His perfect plan and will for my life, there is never a too old, too late, or too damaged.  I know every day God has something new and wonderful to show me as I risk being vulnerable and commit to keeping my heart wide open. ~♡

Beauty for ashes small

Purple High-Top Chucks

I have wanted a pair of purple high-top Chuck Taylor sneakers for a while.  Maybe even as long ago as five years.  They symbolize a right of passage, moving from the norms and expectations for a “woman of a certain age”, and letting go of the need to please anyone but my Creator and myself.  God created me exactly how He did for His plan and purpose, and I know this includes the wide eyed little girl who ran when she heard the doorbell ring, sure her purple Chucks would be sitting on the porch!  Their arrival had her jumping up and down, barely able to contain her excitement.

Thoughts of paring them with a skirt, dress, or a pair of shorts had me giddy at thinking of the outlandish statement I would make.

I had this pair made using the customize option through Converse.com. I picked purple of course, and added “Only Love” text on the side wall, and “God is Love” on the outside lower heel.

Purple is the color of royalty and serves to remind me I am a princess, a daughter of the King.  I  stand firm on the truth that God is Love, and Love is all there is, only love, only God.  As I put on these shoes, they remind me as I walk in the world, I desire to tell the good news of peace, and walk in His truth as a representative of His Kingdom whose foundation is Love. ~ ♡

Ephesians 10 – 19

10 Finally, let the mighty strength of the Lord make you strong. 11 Put on all the armor that God gives, so you can defend yourself against the devil’s tricks. 12 We are not fighting against humans. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers in the spiritual world. 13 So put on all the armor that God gives. Then when that evil day comes, you will be able to defend yourself. And when the battle is over, you will still be standing firm.

14   Be ready! Let the truth be like a belt around your waist, and let God’s justice protect you like armor. 15 Your desire to tell the good news about peace should be like shoes on your feet. 16 Let your faith be like a shield, and you will be able to stop all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Let God’s saving power be like a helmet, and for a sword use God’s message that comes from the Spirit.

18 Never stop praying, especially for others. Always pray by the power of the Spirit. Stay alert and keep praying for God’s people. 19 Pray that I will be given the message to speak and that I may fearlessly explain the mystery about the good news.

Purple Chucks

 

Inspiration

We view success as the money we earn, the possessions we acquire, the titles we hold, and the accolades we receive from the world around us. Yet God’s view, opinion, and ways are so far above the ways of man. We struggle to shift from this world view to the Kingdom view of our Father in heaven.

I was just thinking about a conversation I had with a  dear friend.  He was talking about how schools bring in speakers to inspire the seniors each year do great things with their life as they move on from high school and in adult life.  There was something unsettling to him regarding these lofty, grandiose goals being presented on our youth.

If I understood him correctly, I believe what he was conveying, is a need to acknowledge and encourage a life of sacrifice and a sense of peace for those who do the small things in life.  The dignity and honor of what one does to daily care for themselves, their families and their communities.
This brought to mind the sermons from one of my pastors who said that some of the greatest saints will meet in heaven be people we had never heard of who lived humble lives in complete obscurity out of the public eye.
So much of how we view success is based on the material world in which we live.  We view success as the money we earn, the possessions we acquire, the titles we hold, and the accolades we receive from the world around us.  Yet God’s view, opinion, and ways are so far above the ways of man.  We struggle to shift from this world view to the Kingdom view of our Father in heaven.

A few scriptures come to mind as I think about this concept.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9

“There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”
Proverbs 14:12

Several things I have heard and read over the past week have been stirring my thoughts of this conversation I had with my dear friend.
The first is the following quote from Victoria Erickson…

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In the past several weeks I have been watching my dear friend make a life altering  choice, which from my worldly, fleshy perspective, ends all hope for a happy joyous future for his life.  Yet when I consider God’s words and His ways, I start to see his sacrifice as Christ’s call for those who wish to be His disciples.

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.  Luke 9:23

As I prayed for my dear friend,  I broke down weeping as I felt the weight of his circumstances.  I felt a sadness thinking about how unfair this seemed.  Him paying a price for another’s missteps and errors.  Then I thought, how ironic – as we seek to walk so closely with Jesus in true intimacy, only saying what He says, going where He leads, why wouldn’t we also willingly pay a debt we did not accrue?  Love those who have been unloving toward us?

I know my dear friend is sacrificing a lot, denying his own needs and desires to serve and care for someone who is unable to give anything in return, and from a worldly perspective this makes no sense.  But I have great respect for him and his decision.  He is an inspiration, and a true disciple of Christ.